The Trend Toward Home Funerals

By J. E. Davidson Our American culture prizes youth and beauty while seldom accepting death as a natural part of life. Media portray death as violent, disturbing, and painful instead of peaceful and something that may be embraced. We tend to withdraw and avoid coping with the death of a loved one. A new trend is emerging in home funerals, which makes death personal experience, gives us a chance to celebrate the life of our loved one, and challenges our old ways of thinking about after-death care.

Home funerals are not a new phenomenon.  Throughout history, families have cared for and buried their own dead.  Our modern funeral industry often discourages families from caring for their deceased loved ones, but in all but five states (Connecticut, Indiana, Nebraska, Delaware and New York) it is legal to do so.  Contact your local public health office for information regarding regulations in your state.

Having a home funeral allows the family and friends to take an active part in celebrating the life of the deceased loved one and create a more profound and private event.  Supporters of home funerals consider them a more humane and healing alternative which allows the family an extended amount of time for viewing, ceremony and closure instead of having the body whisked away to a mortician, embalmed, and stored in a refrigerator until the viewing and disposition.  A member of the family or appointed agent can act as funeral director, making decisions about the funeral arrangements, filling out and filing end-of-life documentation, and writing an obituary notice.

Under normal circumstances, keeping the body at home poses no health risks.  Embalming is not required by law, except in certain cases, and does not preserve the body forever but merely delays the inevitable consequences of death.  Funeral directors will encourage embalming and cosmetic restoration to preserve the color and appearance of the body, to create a “beautiful memory picture” and to show “proper respect for the body.”   Requiring the use of toxic chemicals, many consider it an unnecessary invasive procedure.  Embalming is commonly practiced only in the U.S. and Canada, and many religions consider it a desecration of the body.

For a home funeral, you may place ice or dry ice under the body to aid in preservation.  The loved one may be washed and dressed in clothing that reflects their own personality, and viewed in a place of honor.  A home funeral can be an occasion for family members and friends to gather to celebrate the life of the deceased and share memories, stories, food, and consolation in a comfortable, familiar environment that reflects their culture and beliefs instead of an impersonal, institutionalized setting.  It is an opportunity for children to learn that death is a natural part of the life cycle, and for family members to make transitions from wife to widow, from oldest son to “man of the house,” and other significant life changes.

The family may wish to create a wooden casket for burial, or a cardboard cremation casket.  The casket may be decorated in manner that reflects the loved one’s personal taste and lifestyle.  Preparing the casket may be a creative outlet for the expression of grief and loss.  Terminal patients may find comfort and solace in helping to prepare the casket, and helping to make decisions about other arrangements, before their impending death.

A home funeral is more economical and environmentally friendly than the standard mortuary funeral.  The standard funeral costs $5000 to $8000 or more.  You don’t need to spend a lot of money to honor your dead in meaningful way.  Emotional, distraught family members are often pressured into choosing the most expensive casket or extra services by a funeral director who is also a salesman and business owner concerned about profit.  Few funeral directors will allow a public viewing of the body without the embalming process.  During the process, embalmers are required by OSHA to wear respirators and full body coverings to protect themselves from the highly toxic chemicals, but waste is not regulated and often flushed into public sewers and drains.

Some families will choose a combination of services, perhaps caring for the body at home for the viewing period, and then using mortuary services for the disposition.  Caring for our own dead and being personally involved with the deceased may allow us to confront our fears and misconceptions about death and deal with our grief in an emotionally healthy way.