The Fifth Rung: Finding Support

The Fifth Rung: Finding Support

The first piece of advice that most bereavement experts will give to a grieving person is to find support.

Sometimes this can be more difficult than it sounds. Often we feel that we need to be strong or we don’t want to bother anyone with our sadness and our needs. We may not know where to turn for help. Two things are needed to have support during grieving: honesty and resources.

Many times after a death people will want to help those who are grieving but they don’t know what to do or say. Let your family and friends know what your needs are. Tell them what help you can use and when you can use it. This will often be a relief for those who are looking for ways to help. Sometimes friends and family will shy away from calling because they don’t want to intrude on our grieving or they may be afraid that they won’t know what to say. If you need someone to talk to and your phone is not ringing, try reaching out to someone that you trust and let them know that you need to talk.

If you know somebody who is grieving, offer your help to them. If you are going to the grocery store, call them and ask them if they need anything picked up. Offer to pick kids up from school or medicine up from the drugstore. Maybe you could cook a meal for them or walk their dog. There are many ways to help. Call them or stop by, it’s okay if you don’t know what to say. Often it’s better if you don’t have a lot of advice. Grieving people need to vent, they need a place where they can empty themselves of all the things they are feeling and experiencing and they need that place to be non-judgmental and compassionate.

Support can also be found in many places in addition to friends and family. Support can come from religious or spiritual communities, from therapists or other trained professionals, from books, and from support groups designed for those coping with death. Places of worship can help you to locate support groups or time to speak with clergy. Funeral homes normally have bereavement counselors working with them. A family doctor can suggest a trained counselor. Many books are now available that address the process of death and grieving. The most important factor in finding support is that it feels right to you.