The Sixth Rung: Coping with Grief

The Sixth Rung: Coping with Grief

The cornerstones of coping with grief are: taking care of yourself, finding support, paying attention to how you are feeling, finding ways to express how you are feeling, and finding ways to honor your loved one who has died.

Since no two people will experience grieving the same, we cannot expect people to cope with grieving in the same ways. One person’s way is not better than another’s, as long as they are allowing themselves to experience their grief and they are finding ways to heal.

Taking care of yourself is crucial to coping with your loss. Wholesome, natural foods will help your body to feel better and in turn help you to function better. Herbal teas and homeopathic remedies found at natural foods stores can gently help people who are unable to sleep. Exercising is known to increase endorphins, reduce stress, and help people to sleep well. If you crave strenuous exercise and you have your doctor’s approval, go for it, but exercise need not be strenuous to be beneficial. Walking, gardening, raking leaves, and shoveling snow are all great forms of exercise. Get fresh air, get a change of scenery, do things that you know make you feel good. A common experience during grieving is to feel guilty about feeling good or enjoying ourselves. If this is how you are feeling please consider that your loved one most certainly wants you to feel good and to take good care of yourself.

Grief can be overwhelming and extremely difficult and many people are tempted to run from experiencing it. Different cultures also have differing ways of grieving that are considered acceptable. In some societies it is totally acceptable for grieving people to publicly express their grief. In western societies people are generally more uncomfortable with public displays of grieving and their people are expected to return to normal functioning in society quickly after the death of a loved one. If we choose to not fully acknowledge our grief we may trick ourselves into thinking that we have gotten rid of it. This is not true. Ignoring grief pushes it into the recesses of our being where it may later turn up as illness, chronic depression, or an inability to function well in our lives.

Once you have acknowledged your feelings the next step is to express them. It is important to do what works for you. If you feel like crying, go to a safe place and cry until you are done crying. If you are feeling anger, go to your room and beat up the mattress or a pillow. Go somewhere safe and scream. Emotions that are not expressed implode. If you find release in writing, than write about what you are experiencing. Pray, dance, sing, or make music; it doesn’t so much matter what you do as long as you are moving these immense emotions out of your body.

Honoring your loved one is important because it helps you to know that they are still a part of your life and that you can still care for them in some ways. There are so many ways to honor you loved one. If you dread having an empty seat at the table where your loved one once sat, you could try lighting a candle or placing fresh flowers at their seat Memorials are available in many public places and you can also build a private memorial. Donating money or volunteering to a cause that was important to your loved one can be an excellent way to honor their life. By planting a tree or garden in their honor you will create a sacred place that you associate with them. The actions taken to honor your loved one can be small or large. Give your creativity freedom here and create things that are meaningful to both you and them.