How Teenager Experience Bereavement

How Teenager Experience Bereavement

It is important to check in with a child of this age to make sure that they understand that their feelings are acceptable, even if they are angry at the deceased.

Also, make sure they do not harbor guilt. Though older, kids at this age can harbor a sense of guilt from any random occurrence, believing that they contributed to the death. A small argument, a week prior to an accidental death, for example, may loom large in their minds. Unless reassured, this kind of guilty secret can cause a great deal of emotional damage.

Watch out too for physical symptoms of grief, particularly for those children who are not openly expressing sadness. Grief may reveal itself in nightmares, stomach aches, headaches, and a refusal to go to school. Children need to be given time to process their feelings, while being reassured that their feelings are normal. They need to hear that eventually bad feelings will begin to heal. Additionally, children of this age may feel intensely frightened that other loved ones will soon die. This worry needs to be addressed matter-of factly. It is important that a caring adult can spend time with a child, helping to calm their fears.

An older child, an adolescent or teenager, will feel grief as intensely as adults do, but they too may lack coping strategies. Bereavement can be more difficult for teenagers than other children because teens are more independent, and may have difficulty accepting comfort. They may push adults away, spending time alone in their room. Like adults, they may turn to substances. Teens often adopt an uncaring attitude in times of stress as a defensive posture. While it may bother you to see your teen with an apparently flippant attitude, understand that underneath the attitude can be a well of grief as deep as your own. Let them know that you understand that they have suffered a serious loss and that their confused feelings are a normal part of the grieving process. Like their younger counterparts, they may benefit from books or films that deal with death Also, a slightly older friend or family member might be able to offer comfort. Teens will not usually want to sit down for a face to face talk. Conversation that springs up while doing something else, for example driving somewhere, can be an easier way to broach the subject of grief and healing.

Let your teen know that you are ready to listen if they ever want to talk. Encourage them to come to you with any questions or concerns. If communication between you and your teen is strained, ask some other adult with whom they have a close relationship to speak to them. A coach, a trusted teacher, or an older sibling can be a good choice.

Like younger children, the pain that teenagers feel may express itself physically. But teenagers may also choose to experiment with pain to relieve their emotional stress. Be especially vigilant for signs of dramatic personality change. A radical haircut, quitting a beloved sport or musical pursuit, dropping friends, and failing grades are warning signs. Watch out for self-cutting, small cuts often made on the arms, designed to inflict physical pain in an attempt to distract from emotional pain. Also watch for signs of substance abuse. Don’t hesitate to get help for your teen if you think they need it.