10 Easy Steps to Writing an Obituary

10 Easy Steps to Writing an Obituary

Writing an obituary is not an easy task to do, especially when you’re also dealing with the emotional stress of a recent passing, funeral arrangements, and all the other things that must be dealt with during this time of grief. The last thing on a persons mind is writing something that properly tells of their loved ones life and accomplishments. The obituary becomes almost overwhelming to write and often ends up as a death notice, meaning that the opportunity to give proper significance to the loved one’s life can be lost. The writing of an obituary doesn’t have to be complicated and stress filled. With a little thought and some pre-planning, writing a good obituary can be as easy as following these ten steps.

1. KNOW WHAT AN OBITUARY IS

An obituary should give meaning and importance to the life of someone who has passed away.  Quite often the obituary is used as a notice of death, or funeral notice, but that’s not what it is.  You can write the obituary to include funeral information as long as you remember the actual purpose of writing an obituary.

Creating a meaningful obituary that captures how very important your loved one was in everybody’s life is an important step in the grieving process.  The obituary should be accurate, lively and memorable. 

An obituary can be many things in one: a notice of a death, a story of a life, a record of the extended family, information about a funeral service, a thank you to those who helped out, a request for memorial donations.  With the basic information being covered accurately and completely, an obituary can be a compelling story of a life

2.  DO IT BEFORE A DEATH TAKES PLACE

Write the obituary before the passing.  Just like preparing a will, this is the time when your mind is free from stress and you can think clearly.   If you’ve been asked by someone to write an obituary, then get started now.  Take the time to plan the obituary and make it as wonderful as the person you’re writing about. 

If it’s your spouse, or significant other, that you’re going to write about, then sit with them and start getting a feel for what they’d like said about themselves.  You have the opportunity to delve into their past and find out some very interesting information, or harvest their dreams and views on life.

And you can write your own obituary.  This is totally acceptable.  Begin the process of deciding what you’d like to say to others, what you’ve done in your life that you want to be remembered for, and how you want it all to come across to those you’ve left behind.

3.  GATHER ALL OUR MATERIALS AND INFORMATION

Talk to your spouse, significant other, family, and friends to get a full insight into the person’s life.  You can never have enough information and it’s easier to put aside what you don’t need than it is to try and collect it after the fact. 

Is there someone special in their life that they’d want to thank if given the chance?  What about a thank you for those putting on the reception after the funeral, or taking care of the family’s affairs during the grieving process?  Is there somebody who mentored them during their working career they would like to thank, or a long gone school teacher?  Is there a friend that has made a difference in their live who should be acknowledged?

Gather any poems, quotes, bible verses, or songs that have brought joy and meaning to the person’s life.  If you’re gathering pictures for the obituary, make sure that they’re in an earlier, happier time of their life and do not show someone in latter stages of aging, or illness.

4.  CHECK YOUR LOCAL NEWPAPERS AS REFERENCE

Look at your local newspapers and read some of the better obituaries to get some ideas of how you could set up yours.  This will give you some idea of the length and content, although you can, and should, think about originality and doing something maybe a bit different that would add to the memories of your loved one.

Newspapers and funeral homes all provide some stock templates for obituaries, but they do not have to be used.  The person you’re writing about is special, so their obituary should be equally so.

5.  CHECK PRICING FOR THE ADS AND AD SIZES

What you will want to do is determine your budget and work within those limits.  There are several ways you can say a lot without the expense of a full page newspaper ad.  Placing ads in several publications can become costly, so it is important to know what the costs and obituary sizes are beforehand. 

You will want to decide on what publications you want to publish your obituaries in other than the local newspapers.   Are there out of town publications you’d like to have something in so that visitors in other parts of the country, or world, can read the obituary?

Are there newsletters for organizations the person belonged to that would like to include an obituary for their member?  This could be a social group, or sports team, or even their current or past workplace.

Find out the deadlines for submissions and mark these down.  Some may have restrictions on size and pictures, so make note of this.

6.         WRITE MORE THAN ONE OBITUARY

You can look at writing several versions of the obituary.  There can be a shorter one for the paid classifieds of the newspapers; a longer one as background for a eulogy at the service, or a special publication; and you can do a longer, detailed obituary for family scrapbooks, genealogical histories, or websites.

Now is the time to plan what and how the person will be remembered, and where. 

7.         WHAT THE OBITUARY MAY INCLUDE

Start putting together everything that you may want to add to the obituary, knowing that you can always reduce the volume if you have to.  Here’s a list to work with:

Basic information:

- Full name of the deceased, age, date of birth, and city where they lived.

- Name of their significant other (alive or deceased).

- Time, date and place of viewing, burial, wake and memorial service arrangements.

- Where people should make a memorial contribution, in lieu of flowers if this is the case.

- How they died is optional any may not want to be used if the death was a gruesome one.

Family and friends:

- Parents' names and residences (living or deceased).

- Children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren’s names and residences.

- Other family members (nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, etc.) and special friends.

Some caution when putting names in obituaries since their could be some dissention if your include some, but exclude others.  You may want to use these in the longer version of your obituary.

And you should consider:

- Special pets

- Activities that were important to the person – churches, clubs, groups, hobbies.

- Vocation and places of employment.

- Notable accomplishments.

- Degrees and schools attended.

- Military service.

- Date of marriage.

- Personality traits and anecdotes.

8.         START WRITING THE OBITUARY

Although it is an obituary for someone who has passed away, make this section fun.  Take your time and don’t worry about how it looks at this point.  Just start writing and you can edit it later.

Don’t try to list everybody’s name that’s still living at this point.  Try writing it from the deceased person’s point of view – this will be easier if you’re writing your own, but try it.  The advantage to doing the obituary before any deaths is that you have the time to work with the obituary because you’re not under pressure to get it out within a given timeline.

Make the obituary interesting and compelling by focussing on the life of the person and not on their death.  Make it a lively obituary.  Think in terms of telling about the persons life while they’re still alive, not after their death.

Obituaries often neglect to thank those that helped the deceased through life and during illness, or even after death.   Put this in, if there’s someone deserving the recognition. 

The obituary is going to be a capsulated version of the persons life for the family and friends and will be saved for generations, so make it significant.

Focus on the deceased and not on yourself, or the family and their grief.  Do not go with the clichéd “the family announces”, or “in our grief”.  Try to be original.  Try thinking about writing as if you’re standing in front of an audience speaking.  You wouldn’t say, “I’d like to announce the death….”, would you?  Refer to the decease as a person and not as “mom”, or “dad”, or “my brother”.  People may not know who you are and may confuse the relationship to “mom”. 

Don’t just list facts; show the persons traits by example.  If the deceased enjoyed fishing don’t say he “was a fisherman”, but expand on this and include an interesting story that people will relate to.  The obituary is more about the persons life and not their death, so make it that way.

If there should be donations to a specific charity, or cause, then state that request simply and don’t flower it with “in lieu of”.  Write like you would talk.

A word of warning about showing house addresses along with funeral times and dates.  Don’t show these in the obituary as they can be a clue to an empty house at the time of the funeral and open the door to opportunistic thieves.

9.         PROOF READ THE OBITUARY

Proof read what you’ve written, and then proof read it again.  Put the obituary away for a few days, and then read it once more.  You don’t want any spelling mistakes, or very bad grammar going out.  A suggestion would be to read it out loud to your self.  If you’ve got some areas that don’t flow freely, this will sift them out.

Let someone else read it over.  Let the person you’re writing it for, if not you, read it.  Maybe they can offer some suggestions on added material, or maybe there’s something that shouldn’t be included.

10. PUT THE OBITUARLY SOMEPLACE SAFE

Now that it’s done you’ll want to put it someplace safe where it won’t be forgotten about.  If you have a safety deposit box, put it there.  Place it with your will, or any other important documents that you can get your hands on quickly.  If it’s your own obituary, then leave a note stating what the document is and how you’d like it dealt with.  Make sure that somebody other than you know where the obituary is kept, who it’s for, and what’s to be done with it

Create lasting memorial website to store your online obituary.

A well done obituary can assist family members and friends in the grieving process.   Rather than making the obituary a statement of one’s passing, make it a remembrance of their life and accomplishments.